Why I Moved to Spain Without Ever Visiting : A Leap of Faith at 30

Hey Babes 🩷

Living in Europe was a dream but it was also the kind of dream that always got delayed. It was always there in the back of my mind, but I kept putting it off, telling myself I’d get to it next year, or when things finally slowed down. But year after year, life just kept happening. Surgeries, health scares, responsibilities, work, griefing and let’s be honest trying to make it through college without falling apart.

If you had asked 20 year old me whether I’d actually move to Spain, I probably would’ve said, “Yeah right.” Back then, studying abroad and exploring new countries lived only on my college bucket list. It was one of those cute bucket list dreams. But something shifted as I approached my 30th birthday.

Late 2023 brought news that shook my family. My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. After long talks with my doctor and therapist, and given that I’ve always been the type of person to face health head-on, we decided it was time I take the BRCA gene test. I thought, “It’s just saliva, how bad could it be?” Oh, just $5,500 bad. For spit. 💸

Fast forward to the end of February 2024, while juggling MBA program, I got the call. I tested positive for the BRCA gene with a 34%. I mean, don’t ask me to explain all the percentage but at the time, it sounded series. And just like that, everything I thought I had under control suddenly felt uncertain..

My 30th birthday was four months away. Normally, I’d be planning some kind of trip, because that’s tradition of course, but this year felt different. I didn’t feel like celebrating, I felt like changing. I wanted to do something bold, something outside the box.

And then it hit me. Why just travel to Europe for my 30th birthday when I could live there for a while?

So I applied to be an English teaching assistant in Spain for 10 months. A country I had never been to, didn’t speak the language. And sure, my two years in high school Spanish did not come in handy (thank you Google Translate and Spanish music). I had zero connections there, but something in my gut told me this was exactly where I needed to be.

For once, I wasn’t making a decision out of obligation. I was doing this for me. I was doing this for the girl I used to be who never believed she could just pack up and go. For the woman I’m becoming who refuses to shrink herself for anyone else.

I wanted a reset. A challenge. A new environment that would push me to grow.

So here I am. Day 220 of 252 living in Madrid.

I walk these cobblestone streets that once only lived in Pinterest boards. I live with Italian and Spanish roommates who make my life feel like a chaotic, cozy international sitcom. I’ve mastered ordering café con leche like a local. I teach English to kids who remind me of my niece and nephews and unknowingly remind me of why I’m here.

I’m not just checking a box off an old bucket list. I’m healing. I’m discovering. I’m reclaiming the parts of myself that got buried under fear, family expectations, and responsibilities. While I don’t know what the future holds and I’ve stopped pretending I do. But I do know this! I’m no longer saying yes when it drains me. I’m saying yes to me, and no to anything and anyone that doesn’t serve my peace or purpose.

She’s doing what her 20 year old self was too scared to even imagine. And that? That’s worth celebrating. ✨

Love, Dee